There are times in your life where you just gotta say “no”.
Yesterday was a day where I distinctly felt my boundaries. Even though I had the urge towards self sacrifice, for “being nice”, I realized that some people are just out for themselves and any act of compassion or generosity on my part will just play into their over all plan of “winning” in the “game of life”.
Well I’m not playing their game anymore.
There are times when turning your back on offers to compromise does not make you a bitch. Standing up for what is right and just makes me a righteous woman.
Why is it that when women stand their ground and state their objectives that we turn into bitches? That’s because the men in our lives are the only ones who are supposed to have that privilege. When women assert themselves, refuse to concede ground, demand what is right and just, embrace the warrior that is within us, then we are called bad names.
Fine, sticks and stones and all that.
I also find it fascinating that when I stood my ground, stated my objective, demanded what was right and just all of a sudden I’m offered an olive branch, an invitation to a peaceful negotiation session.
Do people forget I’m an astrologer? Do people forget I can check their chart and run their transits and see that the offer of a peaceful negotiation is out of line with what I’m reading?
I don’t see peace in the transits of the other party. I see self-centered action, the urge to win at all costs, the unwillingness to see the situation from another person’s point of view, inflexibility, and the possibility of sudden and uncontrollable anger.
I see in my own transits grave determination, the opportunity to make a life changing decision to set my boundaries, to work hard and steady in a calm fashion to achieve my goals, the fortitude to face difficulties alone, and the added intuition to know not to walk into a dangerous situation.
I know I’m writing in vague terms, the specifics aren’t important, the action is.
Sometimes you just gotta say “No” to an offer of a peaceful negotiation when the only topic on the table is to reduce or remove altogether that only thing you are asking for. Union members does this ring a bell? Does this sound like negotiations with the corporate representatives who just want to make a profit, benefit their bottom line, at the expense of the workers? Because that’s what it feels like to me, albeit in a personal relationship realm.
I will put my trust in the court to decide what is right by law. I’m not the one with bad legal transits going forward. I’m also not the one with internal psychological pressures, leading to physical discomfort, that will distract me from keeping track of the minutea of the battle. Modern times have modern battles: The court is the battle field, the law is the armory, the combatants are the attorneys, the bank rollers are the “claimant” and “respondent”, and I have an unlimited war chest for the struggle: the over all fee waiver. The benefit of being unemployed is I also have the freedom of movement to make it to court without having to ask someone for permission. I also don’t have someone whispering behind my throne, giving me advice that is tainted with blind self-interest and personal hostility. I only confer with my champion in the field of battle, who knows the lay of the land, knows the rules of engagement, knows that our plan is strong. I don’t accept battle field advice from someone who is inexperienced in such matters.
Does it matter that the person who is being said “No” to used to be a loved one? Nope. All the more reason to stand one’s ground. It would be easy to fall into old habits of indulgence, co-dependence, and love of service to give way in this struggle. All bets are off when the love that was once there was betrayed, violated, and abandoned. One can’t point to a betrayed love that was once there and use that as a reason for self sacrifice now. That was then, this is now. If the love that was once there was so important then this struggle wouldn’t have had to take place, the law wouldn’t have been called into the fray for me to get my due. All that would have been forth coming from someone who once prided them self as being “generous”. Obviously generosity is a relative term. I guess it was generous that I was left with my life hanging in the wind of a sour economy. I should be grateful I wasn’t put out of my misery like a lame horse.
One could mistake assertion for anger. Not in this case. I am not angry because anger implies that there is still an emotional attachment. I am indifferent and that is the opposite of love. What the other party thinks of me, feels about me, says about me is now moot. I have no emotional attachment that will give any of those reactions any meaning in my life. What I’m feeling is inner calm, knowing that what I’m aiming for is reasonable, just, and due to me by law. I no longer care if my saying “no” to negotiating my rights away causes the other party confusion, distress, or upset. Those are emotions that the other party has to work out on their own time. I’m not angry, I am determined, and there’s a difference.
It reminds me of a story of a samurai who sought out a killer, to exact justice for a crime. When the killer was cornered he spit in the samurai’s face and the samurai turned and walked away. The reason? He didn’t want to exact justice for the crime in the heat of anger. He was angry when spit on. He will wait until his personal emotions are under control and then go seek the killer and exact justice.
There is no anger in my actions. I realized that my decision to say “No” to out of court negotiations was the right one when I woke up this morning and I felt centered. I felt no regret last night when the decision was made but this morning there was a sense of peace and calm in my inner core and I knew I made the decision that was right for me. What the other party thinks of me, especially if it is negative, is of no concern to me, as my well being and welfare was of no concern to him. He had over a year to take action and as usual he did nothing, looked the other way, ignored what needed to be done. I was more than generous to give him that year to make things right. With the new moon and the new astrological year I took action and now the wheels are turning inextricably towards the goal.
I’ve been working all day on building an astrology section to my website. I’ve made the decision to hang out my shingle as an astrologer. It was a difficult decision and took a long time to make it because I’ve spent the last 10 years of my life working with polymer clay and teaching it online for free. 
