10/03/08

10-03-08: I'm still ambivalent about asking the Women's Initiative for a loan for my small business. My domestic situation is not stable. I could ask the Women's Initiative for a loan later on since I'm a graduate of their Simple Steps program. Maybe after my divorce would be a good time to ask for the loan. Maybe starting this small business when James and I are really separated would be prudent. The start up loan for the beginning is the dilemma. With the loan I can move forward quicker, maybe even be able to get my divorce quicker. If I go for the loan when I have James's income to claim as a means to pay back it would be easier to get approved. If I default because he takes a powder and I take a tumble then he shares the bad credit hit. I will have to make a decision today about it.

When I paid the fee for the Simple Steps class the lady I was giving the money to asked me what was my goal. "To start a business so I can afford to get a divorce." I told her truthfully. About 4 other women in the office laughed really loud. It's not the first time they heard that, it won't be the last.

The current economic situation with the Market Meltdown and the $700 Billion Bail Out is making me fee antsy about starting my small business now. But if I don't move forward on this venture then nothing will manifest. It's a "nothing ventured, nothing gained" sort of deal. I know that the 20% of small businesses that don't borrow to cover overhead and pay for payroll are the ones who will survive the credit crunch. It is my intention to go "cash and carry" with my small business and not expand beyond my ability to pay as I go.

Will the goodwill of having taught online for free for 10 years hold enough water? Will ClayMates and others who have used my website for the tutorials care enough about my welfare to buy my wee things over another's?

I can't do anything but more forward and be as hopeful as possible. I have the moral support of my immediate family and friends. I struggle to stay focused and keep the faith. I tell myself that James wandering off is actually a good thing because that will free me up to be able to branch out, network with other artists, go travel and do workshops.

I best get back to working on my business plan.