Again, I
apologise,
A.
+++++++++++++
No Worries. Dig it, to
apologize is to presuppose that there was some sort of guideline that
you knew about and disregarded.
We have no guidelines for
a global trauma that was yesterday. There's no blueprint for us to
refer to.
As things come through
the list I respond to the in the only way I can in order to maintain
the tone and tenor of this list.
As I keep on making
effort to remind myself: Anger is a mask for fear, pain and shame.
Most of the folks I've communicated with are suffering from two
of those things, the fear and pain. As an American Muslim I'm
suffering from all three. But I shan't give into masking any of them
with anger for that will only lower the quality of my life further. An
additional negative energy to deal with. I got rice to cook. The list
to look after. My own family to comfort.
When I get afraid, I hug
the closest living mammal. Interspecies hugs count. But don't pet that
cat bald, ok? Dang, I called my Mommy. "Watakushi wa totemo kwai
desu." which means "I'm just so afraid." So
frightened it hurt my head, made me crazy, made me loose my English.
When I get sad, I weep. Was at the store getting coffee, started
weeping while grinding the beans. Ernie, the check out lady came by
and we hugged, for the longest, just weeping. We didn't say anything,
for there was nothing to be said. Her boss came by, a tall elderly
Jordanian man and he just patted us on our shoulders sadly, wearily,
and walked on by. It's like that all over.
If you're sad...let it
out. Go ahead and have the cry and keep on washing rice, loading the
wet clothes into the dryer. We are in grief. We have not only lost
thousands of lives on one day, we've lost our innocence as Americans.
Other countries who also believed in the freedom from terrorism in
America...comparatively speaking that is, are also in shock in their
respective countries. Like the Nairobi Janitors in the Hilton said,
"If it can happen in America, it can happen anywhere." All
loss must be mourned. We are not the only people effected. This is a
global trauma. We are in shock and then we'll be hit by the enormity
of it all. We must be ready to move into action, and hopefully action
that will be positive.
If you are in pain, in
your emotional heart or in your overwhelmed brain pan, reach
out...call a friend, go to Church. Don't hide under your duvet and be
rolled up like a bug unable to function. Take that step to seek out
counseling. Pick up the phone. Drop me a line. We are social
creatures, you just might be needing some monkey love, some other
frightened monkey to groom your coat to sooth your shattered nerves.
Lastly, I want to avoid
the mob, of arguments and fights and flaming on this list. I want to
avoid people feeling excluded in our grief if they are in other
countries. I want to validate and thank all of the people outside of
America for their love, kind words and bits of philosophical musing.
Like Collin Powell said,
"Get mad, Get over it." When I listened to him on TV
today I realized why I love him so. One reporter asked some question
about "how can we possibly go back to being normal?" Collin
Powell got miffed, " We are NOT going to go around living in
fear. We are NOT going to allow this to make us not go about our lives
and doing the work that needs to be done. We are NOT going to
..." and I forget what all. But I thought..."You TELL them,
man!" To allow this to make us have diminished lives is to
hand an easy victory over to terrorism. To rise up and rebuild means
we got Faith in our future. Faith is the opposite of Fear after all.
There was discussion of this in chat yesterday and I promised to find
it and send it through the list at the request of the claymate. I will
before the day is done.
Lastly, if you want to do
something creative with your grief, check out my home
page. There's a memorial plaque I made when I first started doing
clay. It has those roses Barb and lil jo have been talking about. It's
imperfect, but it was for a co worker who's mother had been slain. It
meant a lot for me to make it, it meant the world to her to have it.
Take some clay and make a memorial. On the 911
page I put up there's Oscar the Funereal Cat in faux turquoise
that I made for a claymate who's cat had passed on.
I mean, we are here to
clay. So we can clay when we're sad. It's ok to express sorrow and
loss in your art.
It takes polymer clay to
a truer level of artistic expression I believe.
So there it is then, no
apologies needed. It was not your intent to do mischief. I just
couldn't let it go without comment because of what I've seen on other
lists. Just doing my job.
So BIG HUGS A. ? Like me
and Erini at the store. Big hugs, some tears and resolution to take
positive action, eh?
xoxo
NJ
