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09-28-04 A ClayMate was dissed (put down) on another list for
swaps "not being up to a certain standard" and her feelings were hurt. Here is
some advice for curing swap diss.
++++
According to most law it is the intent that one is
responsible for, for example, "Squeaky" Frome is still
in jail for attempting to assassinate then President
Gerald Ford. The gun malfunctioned and it went
"click". She was convicted of the INTENT to kill.
Dangerous but inept.
Your intention was to send out the best that you could
do. If you didn't live up to those people's
expectation it came as an obvious surprise to you.
Your expectation was that they welcome all skill
levels. Your expectation was broken with this
rejection.
First thing I'd like for you to do is to unstress thy
self. I'd say it's their problem, they had judgmental
expectations that were not clearly represented. It is
not your fault.
If they rejected your work out of hand, saying it
wasn't good enough I am lead to believe that they are
not celebrating everyone's level of skill at that
moment.
For them to "punish" you it means they judged you.
Tried, convicted, sentenced and you found out about it
when the sentence was delivered. Sort of like being a
prisoner in old Venice. Tossed in a cell and you get
to know your sentence when it is leveled.
Seems sort of draconian if you ask me and you did ask
me.
Now life is binary, wax on wax off, up and down, in
and out.
One's natural state is bliss. I think that the
happiness has left the building with this unsettling
response to a swap you sent in good faith.
Ok, for the Christians, Jews and Muslims, this is a
First Commandment Beef. To judge is God's business.
Ours is to practice patience, compassion and love.
Was Moses having a fun time convincing the Pharaoh,
whose eyes and ears were sealed as if with wax? So too
arguing these issues with folks who are on a power
trip would be an exercise in futility.
We have a choice in our life to be happy or find a
reason to be annoyed. They chose to be annoyed with
you. I'm voting for being happy.
Sweetie, if someone hurts your feelings once, shame on
them. If they hurt your feelings another time, shame
on you. That's what my Daddy used to say. Once bit,
twice shy.
Even if you had the money, which you don't, and did
another effort, got on their good graces, would you
trust these folks every again in sharing your work,
sharing tips and hints? Would you feel free to
experiment and create things that are outside of their
box without fear of rejection again? I wouldn't.
Artists got feelings.
Wax on, Wax off, binary, up or down, in or out...
big question is ... are you in the mood to be "in"
that list? Is that the sort of energy you want in your
life? Is that the sort of people you want to affiliate
yourself with? That's the real question right now. Not
whether you spend money and effort, or eat crow, or
where you are in your skill set.
One of the higher needs of humans is a sense of
belonging. Even a chimp will get neurotic if "shunned"
by the group, not allowed to groom the others or be
groomed by them.
That's why I feel folks stay here, long after they
stopped using polymer clay, we do monkey love, social
grooming.
So which group do you want to belong to? One that
supports your art or one that makes you weep? Seems
like an easy choice to me.
List life is like family, and there's dysfunctional
families and dysfunctional lists out there. I like to
feel we are a loving and nurturing family.
That's why you asked,
I love you honey, feel better, do metaphysical Judo
and just toss that negative energy in the direction it
was going and you duck out of the way.
xoxo
NJ
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