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11-11-04
BBB, Ya I think that is going to make the "rounds" as
it were. I'm just waiting to see when it shows up on
the boards or in other forums.
For those who are new BBB means "beats being bitchy".
Oh I got a ramble growing in me about the "Culture of
the Rude". From Jerry Springer to Howard Stern and the
"Reality Shows" make it seem that it is normal to
behave rudely, they can all disappear and I wouldn't
be sad.
The TV shows that challenge people to do awful things
for money is a form of prostitution that makes my skin
crawl. Laying in a glass box with bugs for money?! I'd
rather turn a trick the old fashioned way, if I had a
choice of which way I was going to sell out.
When did being nice fall out of fashion? Was it with
the Punk movement? The dissatisfaction of the
disenfranchised making folks turn away from
traditional aesthetics? Children of Hippies turning
away from their parent's "Free love and Flower Power"?
I see the Culture of the Rude as a lack of empathy
(main reason why I weep at hospitals and airports
witnessing other family's reunions even). If we
exercised our empathy we couldn't hurt another for it
would hurt us back. Laughing with derision at
another's misfortune is a cultural trait I don't need
as an Artist.
As Artists we are "wide open" emotionally. Inspiration
and the gumption to create something is fragile, a
harsh word, or a raspberry, does hurt the budding
Artist. And yes, I'll say it again, even when the
harsh word comes from inside of our own heads, that's
actually worse. I can tell another person "Who died
and made you my Social Worker?" If it is my own self
doubt that is whispering fear in my ear who do I slap?
Myself?
Rabbi Rabkin told me something a gazillion years
ago...
"When you don't love yourself, you don't allow good
people to come into your life. For you disrespect them
for loving you. You KNOW what a shit you are. You KNOW
that these good people are fools for loving you, for
you don't love you. What does that leave you? Bad
people who be your self fulfilling prophesy of
worthlessness, people who will join your chorus of
"I'm not deserving of happiness".
"When you love yourself like God loves you, then you
will only allow good people in your life. You'll have
the strength to stand up to people who put you down.
You have the conviction of knowing you're loved by God
if not by them. That's the way it should be."
God rest his soul, Rabbi Rabkin, Morris was his first
name and I still miss him. I keep his words with me to
honor him.
None of you would believe that I was a shy child. Used
to hide behind my mother's skirt when folks talked to
me. I was an insecure child, broke out in hives and
other stuff, had nervous habits that would change
every few years.
A Professor in Child Development told me that it is
very rare for folks to be 180 degrees different in
their adult life than they were as kids. One's
personality is pretty much set by the time folks are
grown.
I made a change for when I grew up I saw that my
family was miserable and some of the rest of the world
was functioning soundly. I realized that the
negativity that surrounded me as a child, causing
these nervous habits was something I could get away
from.
So I did. Left home at 16 years old. I survived and
all Praise Belongs to God.
But the first thing I had to do to survive is to turn
away from the negative role models that were around
me. If my feelings were hurt by their cruel humor then
I figured that other people's feelings would be hurt
too. I didn't want to be like that.
If my Mother didn't give to me that which I needed and
was disappointed not to get then I'd be a better
mother than repeat that awful gift that keeps on
giving generation after generation.
Changing inside takes a "time out" from reacting to
events in our lives. A change in how one wishes to
perceive the world and have the world react to us
takes time to put into action.
ABC... Attitude, Behavior and Consequence. It's easy
as ABC...
We change our Attitude.
We change our Behavior because of that.
That changes the Consequences in our lives.
BBB is a reminder that there's other ways to react to
events in our lives other than being bitchy about
them. There's nothing pretty or sexy with being cranky
all the time. Joan Collins ain't a role model for me,
Mother Teresa is.
My Mother, Older sister and Younger sister all think
that sarcasm with biting humor is normal. When I point
out to them that some people get their feelings hurt
the three of them would say in unison "Point being?"
Like they don't care.
I do care. That's why I make effort here on this list
to have ONE PLACE in the whole world I can come and be
assured that we're going to "clay nice". That I'm not
going to have to break up a fight, or kick someone off
the list for flaming another list member. I'm not
going to have to train some grown person that the
Golden Rule Rules Here.
So ya, there's a lot of reasons why I want this list
to be loving, nurturing and a protected space for us.
I'm one of us too. So I'm pleased beyond belief when
folks write that they also feel protected and loved
here.
So there's the ramble that's been building in me for a
long time.
xoxo
NJ
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