The first time she caught my eye was when I was waiting for my bus at the end of the workday. She seemed to float along with the crowd and stood out like a pink rose in a bush of brambles. My bus arrived and I tried to find her in the crowd, and she was swept away in the crush of commuters.
The next time I saw her I stood by my bus stop with my back to the street. I was willing to miss my bus just to catch a glimpse of her. She was in the middle of a crowd again, this time in yellow, like a daffodil. She didn’t pay any attention to the people around her. She kept her eyes ahead and only moved a lock of her long blond hair behind her ear with her hand in a gesture that was so graceful it was like magic. Then she was gone, again swallowed up by the crowd.
I caught my bus when I lost sight of her but got a seat at a curb side window in order to see her again, but no luck.
I lived alone and until now I was peaceful. I used to be able to enter my apartment and begin my routine of preparing dinner without a bother. Not having time to plan or shop for meals I blended a protein smoothie for breakfast. For dinner I subscribed to a weekly boxed meal program. It had all the ingredients already measured for a large serving. I usually ate half of the serving and had the other half the next day. Preparing dinner was an activity that only took a part of my brain and now the other part was thinking of that woman in the crowd.
I wondered if there could be a way I could walk next to her, strike up a conversation, get to know her. What I wanted was her phone number so I could text or call. I knew it was a fantasy because I didn’t know if she was single. It would be my bad luck if she had a big burly boyfriend who’d punch me in the face for trying to talk to her.
Those thoughts didn’t stop me from thinking about her endlessly. I prepared my meal, ate half and put the other half in a vintage Tupperware container and stored that in the fridge. I poured myself a glass of white wine and sat in my recliner but didn’t turn on the TV or my laptop. I swiveled my recliner towards the window and looked out at the cityscape. I rarely closed my window blinds because being so high up in the building it seemed unnecessary. Anyone looking in would only see me doing chores, watching TV, or working on my laptop. Not a very exciting view for a random voyeur.
As I looked out my window, nursing my glass of wine, I thought of the woman in the crowd. I felt that I was good looking enough to be able to approach a woman like her. I was tall. I worked out at the apartment’s gym 3 times a week. I watched my weight. I was well groomed. My work suits were tailored to fit. My shoes were always shined at the underground metro station at the beginning of the work week. I made good money, had a savings account, a 401K, and my tech was up to date. There was nothing in my life that could be counted as lacking. Other than I didn’t have a woman in my life who I could love and who would love me back.
I had been so focused on completing my education, working as an intern at the firm I’m now hired at as a full time associate. After getting hired full time I worked hard to make sure my job was stable. I moved from sharing an apartment with old college pals to a studio apartment of my own. Then after a while I was able to buy this apartment in a new building. I had arrived at the place in my life where I felt successful. Now all I needed to be complete was a woman.
I needed a woman who was as attractive as I am. A woman who was on her career track and working her way up. The woman in the crowd seemed just the right candidate as a potential mate.
The next time I saw her I waited in a doorway, down the block from my bus stop. I watched the crowd until I saw her. Today she wore a green suit with a skirt, her hair pulled up and back in a lovely bun that looked good enough to eat. I stepped out of the doorway and followed her. I stayed back a few people and watched her walk. She moved like she was dancing in a subtle way, with a swing and a sway of her hips.
A half block past my bus stop she turned right at an intersection. That’s probably why I lost track of her when I got on my bus. I hurried by the few people that were between her and me and when I got to the intersection she was gone.
I was confused and looked at the various doorways by the intersection, they were all businesses that were serving the last of the commuter crowd: coffee house, dry cleaner, bakery. She wasn’t in any of them. The only store that didn’t seem busy was a liquor store. I entered, peeked down the few isles and didn’t see her.
“Got a problem, buddy?” The old clerk asked me.
“I thought I saw a lady friend of mine come in here.” I said, and felt foolish.
“No lady came in just now. The last woman who was here was an old alkie. I had to tell her she couldn’t bring her dog in the store.” He said as he stacked packs of cigarettes into the plastic slots above the counter.
I didn’t say anything, just nodded, went back out to the sidewalk and looked down the street. I did see the old woman and her dog down at the other corner. I turned around and went back to my bus stop to go home.
The next time I saw the woman she was wearing a black suit coat with a peplum that covered the top of a straight skirt. Her hair was done in a 1940 pageboy style with the ends curled under that nestled on her shoulders. This time I was going to walk next to her and try to strike up a conversation.
I stepped out of the doorway and muscled my way passed some people to get next to her. Someone behind me yelled, “Hey, watch your step. Don’t gotta push.” I looked back to see who was yelling but I couldn’t make out who it was. By the time I looked forward she had been swept along with the crowd and was about to turn right at the intersection.
I ran as fast as I could, now pushing people aside like I was a cop after a suspect. People moved away after hearing that guy yell, seeing I was intent on catching my prey. I turned the corner and she was gone, again. That stopped me in my tracks. Some people muttered as they passed me. I didn’t care.
The old woman was there with her black dog. “Looking for someone?” the old woman asked, looking at me with rheumy eyes. What was left of her teeth looked like a broken picket fence long neglected. The old woman’s dog just sat at her feet, looking up at me, head tilted.
“Did a woman come around this corner just now?” I asked her, still breathing hard, not feeling at all certain she could help me.
“The lady dressed in black? Like a 1940’s gun moll?” She asked, coughed a laugh, and leaned down to scratch the dog behind its ear. The dog closed its eyes with pleasure and leaned into the old woman’s raggedy shin.
“Yes, that’s exactly who I’m looking for.” I said, “Can you tell me where she went?” I asked excited and hopeful.
“Sure, me and Blackey can take you to her. Come on, girl.” She said to her dog, and she started limping off down the street with the dog walking next to her obediently.
I didn’t follow. I couldn’t believe she knew the woman I was seeking. How could she? She was just some old alkie grandma.
“You coming or not?” She wheezed over her bent shoulder.
I didn’t answer her, turned on my heel and ran back to my bus stop. My heart was pounding and I felt lightheaded. That old woman creeped me out big time. I couldn’t say why. By the time I got home and was microwaving my leftovers I had to laugh at myself. I felt like a big dummy for letting that old woman give me the fear.
The next time I saw the woman she was dressed in a large print black and white hounds tooth check suit. I’ve never seen her in the same outfit ever. I tried walking closer to her this time. I hoped I could get the nerve to strike up a conversation before we got to the intersection. She was only 1 person ahead of me when she turned the corner. I followed behind as fast as I could and met up with the old grandma, this time with a black and white dog.
“You still trying to catch up with her?” the old woman asked. “I told you to follow me and I’ll take you to her.” She clicked her tongue to the dog that stood up eager to follow the old woman.
I didn’t know why but this time I trusted her enough to follow her down the block, took a right turn at an alley. We walked down a way to a door that looked disused, with flaking paint chips, and a rusty doorknob. Now I started to feel the fear again. What would that beautiful woman want in this dark and dirty alley?
“You want to be with her?” The old woman whispered as she turned the rusty knob on the door, “Here, I’ll show you how to be with her.” The door opened into darkness, and I was compelled to follow the old woman and the dog.
The next time I saw the woman she was opening a can of dog food and spooning it out into a bowl. “Here ya go, boy. You’re a good boy, aren’t you?” She said as she patted my head and I loved her with all my doggy heart and ate the food she gave me because I knew she loved me too.